By the Verly team · Updated 4 October 2026
Say what you are looking for
Dating, friendship and community are different intentions. A friendly opening makes your intention clear without promising a relationship before you know each other. Try: “I’m here to meet people and see whether there’s a connection. What are you hoping to find?” Accept a different answer without trying to negotiate it.
Five first messages you can make your own
- “You mentioned enjoying cooking. What’s a meal you love making?”
- “What does a good, unhurried weekend look like for you?”
- “Is there a song, book or film you’ve wanted to talk about lately?”
- “What’s a small thing you’re looking forward to this week?”
- “Would you rather start with a light conversation or talk about what we’re each looking for?”
Choose one genuine question rather than sending the whole list. Refer only to something the person chose to share. Their workplace, exact location, phone number and private accounts are not things you need to discover to have a good conversation.
Make space for different backgrounds
South Africa is home to many languages, cultures and beliefs. Ask which language someone is comfortable using instead of assuming. If a phrase or joke does not make sense to you, ask kindly. No one should have to represent an entire culture or explain a personal identity to a stranger.
Talk about faith with permission
Shared faith can matter in friendship or dating, but a faith-room label is not a complete picture of a person. Begin with “Are you comfortable talking about the role faith plays in your life?” If they say yes, you might ask what values they hope to share in a relationship. “I’d rather not discuss that” is a complete answer.
In a Christian conversation, a question about being born again may be meaningful to you. Ask only when the other person is comfortable, leave room for exploring or declining, and avoid turning the conversation into a test. The same respect belongs in every faith and interfaith space.
Give the conversation room to breathe
Reply times are not a measure of someone’s worth or interest. Send a thoughtful message, then give them space. A subscription or a like never buys a reply, attention or consent. If a person says no or stops responding, respect their boundary.
Keep a first meeting simple
If you both decide to meet, choose a public place, arrange your own transport and tell someone you trust your plans. Do not send money, verification codes or identity documents to someone you have just met. Read the Verly Safety Centre for more guidance and reporting information.
Where Verly fits in
Verly is available for adults on Android through Google Play. Profile discovery is available without a subscription; faith and values rooms and Sneeky are planned membership features and are not live chats on this website.